I have a sneaky feeling that I was born with a twisted and gaping open mouth! That I came from my mother's womb already upset, irritable and ill at ease. I don't know, but it feels like I felt that way from a very, very early age. I think that I went through life always searching for something that would soothe me and make me feel whole and complete. I felt rage a lot at that time, particularly towards my mother. She was a larger than life woman, a real matriarch, who ruled the home with religious verses like: “Children should be seen and not heard”/.“Honour thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long upon the land that the Lord Thy God has given thee.''
I remember going into the larder and finding anything that anaesthetised the pain of life. When I went into that cupboard, I was in heaven. I found my father's heart tablets, I found empty bottles of stout and I found delicious food. And so, from a very young age, I was drawn into that place where I would swallow the pills and eat all the food I could get my hands on.
Food was in abundance in our house. My mother baked cakes and entertained every weekend, so food was very accessible and easy to sneak. I just ate and ate and ate. I was bottomless pit and never felt satisfied!
At the age of eighteen, I applied for my first regular and permanent job. The process made me realise for the first time that I really had a problem with food and I may have to do something about this obsession with eating. I was too heavy to pass the test and I made myself run long distances and take more pills to lose the weight. It temporarily fixed the problem and I was successful in my job application. As soon as I was accepted, I couldn't keep up with the exercising and continued eating and bingeing, sometimes controlling the amounts I ate to pass yet another fitness test. The obsession with food grew worse, I couldn't help myself: food was too powerful for me. I couldn't hide it anymore and I gained weight to over 325 pounds. I was a laughing stock in my very public job. I tried counselling, I tried diets and I tried starving, but nothing could stop me thinking about food and eating it.
The pain and distress of this life caught up with me nine years ago when I was in a meeting and a lady had arrived from another city. I identified with her story of the obsession with eating, but she was calm and confident and she said she had found a way out of the merciless torment of food.
I knew I needed the type of help only a Divine Intervention could provide and this lady seemed to ooze that something I needed. I asked her to help me and she, and others like her, have told me precisely how to get out of the food.
I have found that I have the freedom from the addiction to food and other substances. I have found an indescribable feeling of peace and contentment through working with others and the Twelve Steps of the Fellowship of AEA. The fear of food and of life itself has been diminished and it has been replaced by energy and friendships that focus on a new way of life: A way of life centred around God and the Fellowship and of helping others to stop killing themselves with food addiction.