Recently, I’ve been sharing a lot in meetings about resentments. After two decades of sobriety, I know I am not cured of the disease of addictive eating and that I can’t afford resentments. Early in recovery, I learned that I needed to pray for someone if I felt any resentment toward them. Lately, I’ve found myself praying for two colleagues at work. Each morning before I go to work, I pray for their health, wealth, peace of mind, happiness, joy, job satisfaction, self-respect, and more. I didn’t really want to have to do this but I finally felt desperate enough to do it. Taking the action gave me a sense of relief as I knew I was earnestly asking God for help. One of the gifts of sobriety is an ability to lighten up and laugh at yourself. I had to laugh when I realised that my willingness to take this action did not extend to the weekend!
I recognise that my thinking is a big part of the problem
It’s true that the disease of addiction centers between my ears. Every day is different, and while I cannot claim to be perfect, I know what to do if a resentment won’t go away. I’ve learned how to act better towards people than I might want to, and as would be expected of an adult. Today, if something bothers me at work, I can pray and try to focus on my breathing. When I remember to do this before I go into the weekly staff meeting I feel much less likely to open my mouth in a way that I would later regret.
Other spiritual teachings I find helpful explain how I can witness my thinking, rather than getting bogged down in it. In early recovery, I remember hearing criticism that Twelve Step fellowships involve brainwashing. I thought that’s fine with me because my brain needs washing. I’ve come to see how I’m not my thinking. When my sponsor first shared how neither her thinking nor her feelings ruled her life anymore, I initially thought she was telling me that my ideas and emotions weren’t important. But I soon found it a relief to not take my thoughts and emotional swings so seriously. It helped me accept that it’s normal to have a bad day. I did not need to book myself into the local psychiatric hospital or pick up a pill just because I wasn’t having the best day.
Talking with my sponsor or another addictive eater really helps
When I live in the moment everything is fine. And in fact, right now I have never had it so good! Even though I sometimes get resentments I understand that it’s part of being human and I don’t need to beat myself up. I can talk about problems with my sponsor or another addictive eater when they come up. I can pray and I can try and help someone else rather than getting bogged down in my own thinking.
I am grateful for a solution that helps my problem with food and resentments
The Twelve Steps of Addictive Eaters Anonymous offer a simple programme of recovery. The most important thing in my life today is still not picking up the first one including food, alcohol or a pill, going to meetings and going about my daily affairs as I believe God would have me. I love the slogans such as “Just for today” and “This too shall pass”. I’m grateful that I need this programme and I want it too, so I will keep doing what I’m doing. I’m grateful to feel a part of the human race and to have a solution that money can’t buy, thanks to the grace of my Higher Power and other sober members in Addictive Eaters Anonymous.