A newcomer’s journey: Finding freedom from the food in Addictive Eaters Anonymous

I discovered I was an addict to food

Before joining Addictive Eaters Anonymous (AEA), I never really understood what addiction was. I thought only "bad" people had addictions. It turns out addiction isn’t limited to alcohol and drugs; it also includes food. Addiction is an illness that does not discriminate, and being an addictive eater has nothing to do with being good or bad.

My life, as an addictive eater, was a struggle

Before AEA, my life revolved around food, exercise, and stress about school. I obsessed about deadlines and was emotionally very unstable in general. I would do anything I could to get a good grade even if that meant cheating. I also always had to squeeze in time to run or go to the gym so I could keep the weight off, even when I was really busy with work and school. 

There were times when I needed to eat while studying for a test in order to keep focused and so I could push through. Towards the end of my years in active addiction I could no longer be at home alone, or else I'd give in and eat something that would lead to a terrible binge. No matter how much pain I was in afterwards or how disgusted I felt, it was happening more and more often. I opted for studying in the Starbucks near my house and would bring a one liter bottle of Diet Coke to guzzle down as I studied, so that I could keep the cravings at bay. For a time, this worked.

I always believed that losing weight would solve my problems, but even when I lost weight, I still felt empty inside. Over time, the cravings, obsession, and shame grew worse and became debilitating. I was so humiliated about the times I stole food and ate in secret. I felt completely alone. 

Finding peace, hope and a new way of living in Addictive Eaters Anonymous

Everything changed when I surrendered my decisions about food to my sponsor and started following her directions. At first, it felt unbearable, like I was going to binge at any moment. But I called a fellow member and she told me I was "learning a new language," and that changed everything. I realized that I just had to stay sober today, and it would get better.

Today, food no longer calls out to me and controls my life. I’m so grateful for members I can call who remind me there is always a solution, not just for addictive eating but for any problem I face. Recovery has opened up my life so much. I no longer have to cheat in school; I can be honest, pay attention in class, and think of the people around me rather than my own obsessive thoughts.  I have been able to apply for jobs and start a new job with help from members and a sponsor.

When I feel overwhelmed, the actions of calling my sponsor, going to meetings, and talking to my Higher Power always give me the strength I need. Each night, when my head reaches the pillow, my body is at peace because I haven't had to binge or starve myself. I am amazed that this is even possible for someone like me. It feels miraculous as the life I wanted was always just out of reach. Now, I finally get to enjoy the life my Higher Power has given me, so long as I am willing to change. The fellowship of AEA has shown me a new and peaceful way of living.  I have found freedom from the food.