First things first - the 12 Steps have given me sobriety, healthy relationships and moments of parenting joy

Whilst active in addiction, I succumbed to the old idea that children would be the cure

I’ve always had a maternal instinct and desire to have children. For a long time, whilst active in addiction, I succumbed to the old idea that children would be the cure to how unhappy I felt inside. The poor men that I was ever romantically involved with!

Shortly after finding sobriety, a relationship I had been in came to an end, and I remained sober for a number of years. It was a hard and intense time, but I felt the way I had been living previously needed to change drastically, and it required me to stop placing anything ahead of an honest spiritual way of being. I often would read and find great comfort in the paragraph on page 70 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous,‘’We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity and for the strength to do the right thing.’’

I was attracted to the members of Addictive Eaters Anonymous who had successful and happy marriages and families, who were living proof that placing sobriety first above all else is possible.

The 12 Step programme and the fellowship are the most valuable things in my life

I met the man who was to become my husband. It became clear that we shared similar interests that didn’t involve drinking alcohol, and we began to enjoy getting to know one another. It was obvious how kind and considerate and generous he is from the very beginning. I told him about being an addictive eater, how the 12 Step programme and the fellowship are the most valuable things in my life. He has always supported this as a way of life for me which does involve some time being in direct contact with others suffering with this disease, making and taking phone calls with sober members, going to meetings regularly, and going to any lengths to not take that first bite, drink or mind altering substance. 

I knew he was a keeper when I discovered, coming home from a holiday, I had left my food plan measuring cups behind, nearly 3 hours from our house, and he was offering to drive back and get them for me! He kindly drove me across the country so I could attend the funeral of a member's relative and when a group of members held a public information meeting, he showed a genuine interest in attending so he could learn more. He frequently would take the time to ask and make sure I had my food plan before we left the house. He has always empathised and shown great compassion for addicts and the power of this illness and the programme of recovery.

I’ve needed a lot of help to change my thinking about how I feel things “should” be

When I was a number of years sober, we married, became parents and bought a house. These last few years have been full of love beyond anything I would have dreamed possible, sharing in so much joy and happiness. There have also been times of challenge, uncertainty, doubt, financial insecurity and fear. Through it all, I have continued to remain sober. However, I’ve needed a lot of help to change my thinking about how I feel things “should” be, and my grandiose expectations, to hand these little people and my husband over to their Higher Power, and let go of the outcome. We all just get up each day and try our best. 

Our children are both toddlers now, but they know the evenings when I have my meetings to attend to and when I take important phone calls with newcomers and members. Interestingly, without me saying anything, they instinctively know not to take or ask for food from my food plan, and that when I am eating, I will play afterwards. They love the times we take together to be still and to practice our ‘Ocean Breathing’ and read calming stories. They are truly the best examples of being present and in the moment, and teach me so much about letting go. Today we took a walk and I said, “I think it’s going to rain”. My son replied, ‘It’s not Mum’. If he had the words, I reckon he was trying to say, “Well, it’s not raining NOW, so just enjoy where we are and what we're doing together.” 

Shortly after we left the house, the clouds opened up, the rain bucketed down, and we were soaked through. As I ran with them both to a collection of trees for shelter, all three of us were laughing and giggling. Who knew the excitement that comes from seeing cars splash the water onto the footpath and the act of jumping in puddles all the way home.

My children are the best examples of being present and in the moment

I feel I have lived two lives: the life that was all-consuming, full of sorrow, hopelessness, and exhaustion, trying to battle my mind every day, to the life I have today, whereby my recovery is now intertwined with my family. I know deeply and quietly that my Higher Power is within and that ‘All Is Well’ when I trust and am conscious of that presence. I am so thankful that no matter what, for the rest of my days, I never have to be on my own. That there is always another AEA member who is open to sharing their experience with me, and when I am willing to place this programme and my Higher Power first, I am given the grace for yet another sober day.