Surrendering self-reliance with Step Seven

Addictive Eaters Anonymous Step Seven: Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings

A member of Addictive Eaters Anonymous spoke to other AEA members about their experience of living the Twelve Steps. This blog is the edited transcript of the interview on Step Seven. All the readings referred to come from Step Seven in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous book.

Step Seven in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions talks about the individual pursuit of material satisfactions being the wrong basis for life. It says, “…we were convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence” (Pg 72).  Was that what you were trying to do before you came into recovery?

I love this, “own strength and intelligence.” I didn't know that I didn't know because I have a one-track mind. I've always had a one-track mind. My mind was so focused on one way that there was no room for anything else to get in. It made life very difficult. I made life very difficult. I didn’t know about giving. I only knew about wanting, wanting what I wanted.

It brings into my mind the St. Francis prayer, which talks about giving, about being made a channel of God's peace, that where there is hatred, may I bring love, and so on and so forth. So it talks about giving, but then, near the end, it talks about it is by giving that one finds. It is by forgiving, that one is forgiven. So I came to realize that I wasn't left out at all. But for me to be able to receive, I have to first give. I think when we sit at meetings, whether it's face to face online, or the web event, all of us are giving, but all of us are receiving as well. I think that's quite wonderful that nobody is left out at all. I think it is God. 

It then says, “The attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.’s Twelve Steps” (12 Steps and 12 Traditions Pg 70). 

The word humility floors me because I can't relate to it. The minute that word humility comes in, I am lost. I know that it is an attitude thing. I used to think it was just a matter of saying to God, please. But that's just manners. I know today, it's an attitude of being but what that attitude is I'm not sure.

Where it talks about the steps in relation to humility, I thought to myself, I call that surrender. Because each step no matter what it is, demands of me an attitude of being, and that is surrender, that willingness to do. So is humility another word for surrender? I'm not sure. 

Let’s explore it.  It goes on to say, “As long as we place self-reliance, first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will was missing” (Pg 70).

I don't wake up in the morning and think what is God's will for me today or Father, what would you have me do? I somehow don't think like that. I just go about my day, but I know that God's there. I absolutely know that the Power that I believe in is there regardless. I've simplified it for myself because if anything is too complicated, I form knots. I just think that God wants me to be a decent human being. I do the best that I can and sometimes I fall far short of it.

In the past, I have said to myself, right from this moment on, I am going to be good. I'm not going to lie. We've all made New Year's resolutions. Have we ever succeeded? I've never succeeded.

I used to think if I prayed to God and said Father, please stop me lying or stealing or whatever it was, please stop me, I actually believed he would, that I wouldn't have to work on it. It would just happen. But then I listened to Father Joe Martin on the 12 Steps. His take is that God doesn't do that. What God does is give you a whole load of opportunities to practice what you've asked for, not the magical waving of a wand. 

That is what I have come to believe.  I get a lot of opportunities to practice what I've asked for, but I have to be willing to take that step. I have to be willing to help the change. I always remember a woman I worked with for years at court. This is a prime example of God. For whatever reason, at one point, all she had to do was walk into the room or to speak and I was irritated. She only had to exist. One day, she walked into the room, and immediately I felt that irritation. She said, hello. I turned away from her and I said to God, Father, please help me. Then I turned back with a smile and said, “Hello, how are you? And do you know, I never felt that irritation again. It was gone, just like that. To me, that is God working. He gave me the opportunity. I asked him for his help, I took action, and it worked. 

“We have seen that character defects based upon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles that block our path toward these objectives. We now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others, and upon God.” (Pg 76). 

I can remember when I started listing my character defects. This was very early on when I first started that communication with God. I would list them and I got up to 18 because every day, it seemed I was adding another one to the list, or another two or three. Finally, I spoke to my sponsor, and she said, I'm sure God knows your character defects better than you do. That gave me the freedom to stop listing them. I've come to believe that God is going to prune and graft as he thinks fit. If God removed every single one of my character defects, and I became perfect, I wouldn't be human anymore. You wouldn't be able to stand me. Nobody is perfect. We're all going to make mistakes.

“The notion that we would still live our own lives, God helping a little now and then, began to evaporate… …Of myself. I am nothing. The Father doeth the works” (12 Steps and 12 Traditions Pg 75).

I love that. I knew it came from somewhere. I couldn't think where it came from. Besides which it gives me an out. If things go well. Great, thank you, God, lovely job. If it doesn't go well, it's all your fault. I would think that so great an intelligence must have a sense of humor.

Towards the end of Step Seven, it says we “…move out from ourselves towards others and toward God…” (Pg 76). Maybe we just let go of seeking humility, seeking God's will is just easier. 

I would think so. That makes more sense to me. I get God's will. It may not align with mine from time to time, but I know that I want to do the right thing. I want to be that decent human being.

We might have to leave it as a mystery that we haven't solved and rely instead on our experience, leaving the conclusion open.

I like that. Let's leave it open  All in God's time. Maybe one day, it will be crystal clear.