Becoming entirely ready with Step Six

Addictive Eaters Anonymous Step Six:  We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 

A member of Addictive Eaters Anonymous spoke to other AEA members about their experience of living the Twelve Steps.  This blog is the edited transcript of the interview on Step Six.  All the readings referred to come from Step Six in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous book.

It talks in Step Six about being willing and whether God can and will, under certain conditions, remove defects of character. When did you get to the point where you knew that this was the step that you really needed, that you were entirely ready?

In terms of character defects, from doing Steps Four and Five and getting feedback from my sponsor, I could see some truths about myself that were fairly obvious. But there were things I still couldn't see. I was helped to have those revealed and, more importantly, I was helped to see how the behaviors that came from those defects affected my life and created misery and suffering for myself and, unfortunately, for others.  Doing Step Five with my sponsor gave me the motivation to want to have them removed.

So at this point, you were sober, and you had that perfect release from your addictive eating?

Yes, which only God had the power to do as long as I was willing. And since I was convinced and was completely defeated, I had no reservations at all about being powerless over food. My willingness and open-mindedness allowed me to surrender that control and self-will related to eating. I believe, because of that, the grace of God was able to come in and remove the obsession. So I figured, if God could do that, depending on my willingness and cooperation, then God could do anything.

I was a very reactive person. And even if I didn't react right away, it was only because I wanted people to think better of me than I was, but on the inside, I was out of my mind with rage and resentment. Now, even though I am more conscious, it's so important for me to have a sponsor and other people to help me live this way of life. Sometimes I'm not conscious, and I need someone to point that out for me.

It's a tall order to always be in that place of being present in the moment and understanding what I'm saying and how it's coming across.

Yes.  I'll be talking to a sponsor or another member about something. Then they'll say something that highlights a defect of character, and I’ll be like, “Oh!” and I'm just so grateful for that because then I can make a little more growth towards Step Six.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of willingness to give up those things.

I do. It's just that being willing isn't always being able. The solution is God, getting help, staying present, but a lot of it is just getting outside myself. As we say, trust God, clean house, and help others.

Do you think meetings are a good place to learn how to live?

I hear things that remind me of how it was when I was living in my addiction, and that helps me see how, by the grace of God, my life has changed. But it also helps me when I hear one addictive eater speaking to another, which would be me in this case, and how they live their life using the 12 Steps. Let’s say with Step Six, I learn what their experiences are with it, and then I see it more in-depth. We talk about depth and weight. Then I can also reflect on how far am I really on Step Six?  I can ask myself the question again: am I really ready to walk towards this ideal? I think that's the idea that we trudge the road to happy destiny.

Step Six is about changing, being willing and open-minded enough to change sometimes 180 degrees to let God in, and give us the grace to remove these defects, the way we were willing and able in terms of the food. I always wondered why they used the word trudge but it is a bit of a trudge. We say in sobriety that surrender is the key.

Every step has surrender, doesn't it, and there's very much surrender in this step. I guess to want to move toward God's will, we have to fully accept that our way, the way we were doing it, just wasn't working, and I suppose that's the purpose of all of our years addictively using food and other substances. When you got here, you were obviously thrashed by the food.

Definitely. I don't necessarily know intellectually what God's will is, but I certainly know what my self-will is. And I know what that leads to. When I'm feeling disturbed or things are chaotic, I'm self-willed. It’s just very clear. But when I'm at peace, there’s serenity without having to try or think about it; being helpful to someone else, or sharing our message, is not self-will; it’s God doing for me what I can't do for myself. So I go in that direction if possible. I need help with it, though. So, thank God for the fellowship and sponsorship. I could not do this by myself.  There’s no way I could do any of the steps on my own. God's the solution, but I need people in the fellowship, the meetings, and putting down the food so that I can hear what I need to hear and take the actions to be willing to go to any lengths without having to be convinced.